Friday, June 01, 2007

Good Grief! I've Been Wrong All These Years

I am so upset. I have been wrong since 1950! That is when I learned, or thought I had learned how to do it. How could this be? I only found the error of my ways two weeks ago. Only through the power of the Internet did I discover I have been doing it wrong all these years. What is it, what is it, you ask? 57 years of tying my shoes incorrectly!! I am so embarrassed. My bows were crooked and floppy and I never knew why and I turned a blind eye to my transgression. How many people have been secretly laughing and pointing at me behind my back? All those years of sitting in classrooms, waiting rooms, airport terminals, standing in front of classes and even standing for inspection in the military. And nobody had the common decency of pointing out my folly? Not even my closest friends? How could this happen? My parents failed me. My grade school failed me. My Kindergarten teacher failed me. But a complete stranger came to my rescue by having the decency to make an entire website dedicated to the proper art of tying and lacing up shoes. Ian’s Shoelace site finally set me straight. Thank you, Ian. (Actually if you Google shoe tying, you will find MANY sites dedicated to this art, including lots of instructional video.)

I feel like I should sue someone for all those years that are now causing me mental anguish. But who should I sue? If I sue my 92 year old Mom, all I would get is maybe a case of chocolate Boost, a box of Depends, and a picture of my youngest brother Bill (Mom always liked him best). I doubt I could sue Miss Jennings, my kindergarten teacher. Shoe tying and counting to ten was the final exam and requirement to graduate into the first grade. I even think I could hold her responsible, but I doubt she is still alive. You see she was my Mom’s kindergarten teacher and my older brother’s teacher too. So that would make her one hundred and gazillion years old. Maybe I could sue the school? If they hadn’t put that elevated, table-top sandbox in the corner of my Kindergarten classroom, I might have spent less time playing in the sand and more time practicing the art of proper shoe tying. But I don’t know if Lincoln Elementary School in Johnson City, New York, still exists. So who is left? I don’t know. Any suggestions are more than welcome.

So what was my error? I was making Granny knots!! I learned back in Boy Scouts that you should never tie a Granny knot, only square knots. “Right over left and left over right, makes the knot neat and tidy and tight.” But even the Boy Scouts didn’t help me transfer that knowledge to shoe tying. Granny knots caused my bows to be crooked and floppy. What can be worse than crooked, floppy bows? Actually learning to tie my shoes properly has been difficult. I now have to stop and think about it and sometimes start over. Also, like someone in recovery, I am now highly critical of others and find myself looking at other’s bows to see if they are floppy or straight. When I see a crooked, floppy bow I just shake my head and silently pity the person – but I would never point and laugh behind their back. I haven’t quite worked up the courage to actually correct someone, yet – don’t sue me! So, to help you out, here are pictures of the end result of the correct and incorrect way of tying shoes.

Now look down at your shoes. If the bows match the first picture, congratulations, but if they match the second picture, click on the link to Ian’s site and learn how to do it correctly. If you looked down and saw sandals or flip-flops, then good for you. If you saw penny loafers, you are older than I am.

Since this is my leukemia/lymphoma Blog, I guess it is only fair to give an update. I go for my blood work Monday and I expect that my red cells may have decreased. My fatigue is much more pronounced again. When I went to Las Vegas with my daughter last week, I was in bed the first night at 8 p.m. and the second night before 9 p.m. and had naps each day, too. Who goes to bed that early in Vegas besides Baptists and folks with Leukemia? Oh yes, I forgot, I am both so that explains it. Actually, I did have a good time and saw some neat things on a couple of tours and I will post pictures as soon as I download them. In the meantime, get those shoes tied correctly!


Anonymous said...

Hey John,
If you'd been in the Navy they would hve straightened that knot out years ago.

Quite humorous John.


David E said...

Consider this thoughts and prayers for good numbers from your appointment!

justme said...

That was great! Too funny!!!

Also adding my thoughts and prayers for good numbers from your upcoming appointment.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the good laugh! Still praying for you! Sending some of energy, red blood cells and platelets your way! I'd send my wbc but I'm guessing you don't want them. I still check out the CLL sites regularly. I am going for more test with the rheumatologist next week.

Terry Hamblin said...

Thanks for the link John. I've been tying grannies all my life too.